1. I don’t know if you believe in psychics, but I do. I love an astrology reading, a pet psychic, messages from the other side.

My mom passed away from cancer 11 years ago. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at 47, and then at 63, she did not feel good. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with liver and pancreatic cancer, and passed away three weeks to the day of her diagnosis.

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I went to get blood work. Sometimes they take the blood from my arm, and sometimes they take it from my port, which is placed in my chest. (A port - or portacath - is a small device implanted under the skin, usually near the collarbone, that connects directly to a vein. It makes it easier to draw blood or administer chemo without repeatedly using your arm veins.)

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Both of them.

My surgical oncologist, Dr. Li, is the one who removed my tumor, so I don’t see him as often as I’d like. I was excited to connect with him again and ask some questions that have been on my mind.

We talked about everything on my mind lately: my anxiety around recurrence, how fast my tumor grew, my maintenance drug Lynparza, and what happens after cancer.

I meant to film him. my phone was on a funny angle and I cut his head out. I’m sorry you don’t get to see his cute face.

Losing your hair to chemo was, for me, probably harder than having cancer. I cried more than I knew there were tears in my eyes. I was certain I would not survive life with no hair on my head (let alone no eyebrows and eyelashes).

But these moments show up in life to force you to grow - and man, is that true.

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Someone asked me recently: how does it feel to be past cancer? To have it behind you?

The question left me torn on how to answer. In the past week I found out that someone I know has stage 1 breast cancer. Someone else has cancer that has spread aggressively to other areas of their body. Another friend got a cancer diagnosis that is not good. And 2 other people are deep in the middle of treatment and feeling like garbage.

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I don’t know exactly when cancer treatment became multi-pronged, but somewhere along the way it shifted. From surgery, then treatment, and then you were done. Now it seems like everyone is on a maintenance drug. So what are they for, and what do they really mean?

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Non-Negotiables

Coming out of cancer treatment, I knew there were things I needed to change in my life. Certain habits that, with a little adjustment, I believed could make a big impact on my health and wellbeing.

Being BRCA1 positive is unavoidable. BRCA1 is a genetic mutation I was born with that significantly raises the risk of breast and ovarian cancer. Something I had no say in. But what can you do to change your body’s landscape?

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So you have been diagnosed with cancer. Now what?

First and foremost you need to find your footing. Absorb the unabsorbable. Try to digest what just happened and what happens next.

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I’ve done some woo woo things in my life, but this latest experience took the cake.

I have never been one to shy away from the wild and wonderful. I’ve done energy clearing. I’ve gotten rid of ghosts in an apartment I used to live in. I’ve spoken to psychics, astrologers, pet psychics. I’ve done past life regressions. You name it, I’ve probably done it.

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The concept of body pH and the “alkaline diet” has gained significant attention in wellness circles. But what does it really mean to be “alkaline” or “acidic,” and how does it affect your health? Let’s explores the science behind body pH, how to test it, and evidence-based approaches to maintaining healthy pH levels.

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I had an interaction with someone right when I was diagnosed. Actually, it was a few interactions with a couple of people, and it really upset me. There is one in particular that I haven’t been able to shake. I figure if it’s something that warrants living permanently in my brain, then it’s something that warrants me writing about.

Maybe it gets me so worked up because there is some truth around it. Or maybe it’s just that people say stupid shit.

A friend of mine and I have a thing we do called a take back. You get to take something back no matter how mean or bad it was that you said. Maybe you said something not nice, or actually really mean about someone else. Maybe you were gossiping about something someone told you in secret. No matter what it is, the take back trumps everything. You instantly get to change the past. We take these take backs very seriously.

I’m the first person to admit I do and say stupid things all the time. I’m sure I hurt people’s feelings on the daily and don’t even realize that I do it.

Not to get way off track.

Right when I was diagnosed with cancer, when the rug was ripped from beneath me, when I felt like I could not breathe and didn’t know what to do or how to function, a friend suggested I speak to a friend of hers. This person was super knowledgeable in the wellness space, at the forefront of integrating all kinds of things into their daily life.

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I went to the dentist the other day and as I jumped out of the car to hand it to the valet, without even realizing it, I asked him how he was doing. He looked at me and said, “Not good.” I told him I was so sorry and asked what had happened. He shared that his son, who was only thirty, had passed away from liver cancer just twelve days earlier. It had all happened so fast. He told me about his son, how wonderful, kind, and hardworking he was, what a good boy he was. We both cried.

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I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be untethered, so I asked ChatGPT.

To feel untethered is to feel unhooked from the invisible ropes that once held you in place emotionally, energetically, and often spiritually.

It is the sensation of no longer being anchored to old fears, old roles, old versions of yourself, old expectations, or even old pain.

It is a funny thing. A feeling I never knew would come. That in some ways, all the doctor’s appointments and treatment would feel like a safety net. A safe place where you were constantly being taken care of. No need to worry about yourself because you have a team of people worrying about you. For you.

Then it all ends. The treatment finishes, the doctor’s visits slow down, and you are told to go on and live your life. Get healthy again. Enjoy being alive.

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The amount of time I spend stressing about my hair and hair loss during my cancer journey is ridiculous, but there was no other way around it.

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I’ve had countless conversations about hair lately. In the salon, I talk with clients about their own relationships with hair, the way it shapes how they feel and who they are. At the cancer center, those conversations take on a different to…

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If you’ve been following along with my cancer treatment journey, you already know that the hair and the hair loss have probably been the hardest pill to swallow.

After more than 30 years behind the chair helping clients through every imaginable hair moment, including those growing their hair back post-treatment, I thought I had a sense of what it might be like. But living it myself has been a completely different experience.

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Having cancer means feeling all the feelings: gratitude, grief, frustration, sadness, peace, sometimes all in the same day.

What I’ve noticed is that everyone I know going through this has one particular sticking point. Something that keeps coming up for them. For some, it’s the food they miss. For others, the trips they can’t take. For me, right now, it’s my hair.

I know, I know. It’s only hair, it will grow back, this too shall pass. But none of that helps when you’re shedding everywhere. I feel lucky to even have the option to cold cap.

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Personal & Background

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What inspired you to start writing on Substack, and what do you hope readers take away from …

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When I started my Substack, it was meant to be a place to share the renovation of our new house, home inspiration, shopping finds, and some delicious new recipes (even though the kitchen we’re in now is far from ideal, and most of my things are still in storage). I imagined this space as a place for all things home and life and wanted to see where it wo…

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Last week I wrote about how I was diagnosed with SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth), a condition where excessive bacteria grow in the small intestine, leading to symptoms like bloating, gas, …

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